Arguments, Healing, Marriage Counselling

How Marriage Counseling Can Give You Hope

A marriage counsellor can help give us hope by being a mediator between us and helping us to understand each other. Marriage counselling can help get us past the things that bind us to our past and hurt.

Seven years ago, a marriage counsellor gave my husband and me a second chance when she took us under her wings and helped us sort the mess that was our relationship.We were fighting all the time and the first sessions with her were volatile but with infinite patience, she helped us find the love that was hiding underneath the strife and hurt.

I share the story of how we went from a near-divorce to love and peace, in my book, Second Marriage: An Insider’s Guide to Hope, Healing and Love. This excerpt from the book tells the story of how we started counselling when our marriage was at the point of near divorce.

Book Excerpt

He Was Like a Street Fighter with his Words

Three years into our marriage, my husband and I argued constantly, and didn’t know how to stop.

My husband was like a street fighter with his words – he aimed to hurt me. And he did. And I was like a little girl who got her feelings hurt at almost everything that he said. Completely hysterical and then I would yell back. At the top of my lungs. In fact, I would yell so loud that I would lose my voice.

On one particular night, my husband got so mad at me, he yelled at me to “get out.”  I ran to the car in complete hysterics, sobbing at the top of my lungs. I don’t remember what we were fighting about but it was usually about housework, or the kids.

I Had No Desire to Speak to Him

Weeping in the car, I started driving towards the home of our elders in the church, who lived about two miles down the road. I arrived at their doorstop in tears, completely disheveled. The man of the house, a dear elder from the church who had known Vern for years, went over to our house and talked to Vern, and asked him to come over so we could all talk.

Meanwhile, I sat and spoke with his dear wife who offered me some coffee and tried to calm me down. And when my husband came in the house, I had no desire to speak with him, but this dear sweet couple stopped whatever they were doing that night and listened to both of us. My husband tried to joke his way out of it and I couldn’t finish a sentence without ugly crying.

We talked for a little while, with a promise for another appointment with them later that week. We both went home, barely talking and spent an icy night in bed, backs turned, completely separated. I did not want to be married to him at this point.

We talked for a little while, with a promise for another appointment with them later that week. We both went home, barely talking and spent an icy night in bed, backs turned, completely separated. I did not want to be married to him at this point.

In a few days, we spent a couple of more hours at this couples’ place and they tried again to bring us to reason. But we were just too far gone to bring us together. Seeing our sad state, this couple did something so amazing for us: they suggested that we try marriage counselling. They gave us two names and we took one of them.

I Do Remember Feeling Some Hope

I don’t remember what we talked about in the first session, exactly, but I do remember feeling some hope that we might be able to solve what was happening between us.

At first, it was very rocky. I was crying a lot. My husband felt like he was getting picked on. It didn’t seem like it was helping all that much. But we persisted, not knowing what else to do. And slowly, we started to listen to one another and understand each other.  In time, therapy helped us both understand the root of our anger. It took a long time, but my husband realized that his resentment came from childhood.

This is an excerpt from the book, Second Marriage: An Insider’s Guide to Hope, Healing and Love. If you have enjoyed this story and would like to read the rest of the book, get it here.

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