This article is second in a series of quick tips on making it in your second marriage. The first tip was “take time for yourself.” Let’s look at tip #2 now: “Be Patient.”
Don’t expect everyone to get along, and become one big happy family in a week. Or a month. Or even a year. The Brady Bunch was a cool show, but it was hardly realistic. And if we go into marriage expecting it just flow together that easily, we are probably going to be disappointed.
No matter how much you love him, no matter how well you get along with the kids, and no matter how much you believe it will be okay, it is going to take time. Research tells us that the average stepfamily takes five to seven years to adjust to the big changes that take place through a second marriage. Sometimes, it can be even longer.
So, be patient, and don’t expect it to be fixed all at once. After all, people getting married the first time have a plethora of issues to work through: finances, division of household chores, personality conflicts, lovemaking and negotiating personal boundaries. Now, with a second marriage, you add on custody arrangements, children, grieve from the loss of the previous marriage, and exes. Now, that’s a lot to work out!
So, even though it is taking time, be patient with the situation. As long as you are learning as you go, you can be satisfied you are making some kind of progress.