Five Relationship Tips For When You’re Together Too Much

With the new reality that has been thrust upon, there has been a fresh focus on relationships: how do you get along with your spouse when you’re together all the time? Sure, there are those special couples who work jointly at a business together but for most of us, we are used to going to our own little world during the day and meeting up at night.

When a couple is together 24-7, a spouse’s charming little quirks can quickly magnify into glaring flaws. It is much easier to overlook a fault when you are not looking at it constantly!

Well, when my husband took early retirement two years ago, I got a preview of what is like to live together all the time, and believe me, I understand the struggle. I was home at the time working as a writer, and he was now retired. Wow, what an adjustment it was!

Now, especially for these crazy times, I bring you five tips for succeeding as a couple when you are together too much.

1. Get Ready to Talk More

When you are both on very busy schedules, you can get away with not communicating as often as you might like because you always have a built-in excuse: you’re just too busy!

When you are constantly around one another, there is no choice but to communicate more often and in a more detailed manner. You will find yourself talking about everything — from when you are going to get up, to who does what tasks in the house. Negotiation is the name of the game. And that’s okay.

It may feel uncomfortable to discuss minor issues, feeling like you are making “big deals” out of nothing, but it perfectly normal and necessary. You are planning a new lifestyle for yourselves, for however long. The alternative is to not talk and that is a problem.

2. Allow Yourself Little Arguments

The perfect couple doesn’t exist and if they seem too perfect, there’s a good chance they’re lying to themselves! When two people live together, there are going to be disagreements; conflicts are part of the process. Allow yourself to have little arguments and go at it sometimes, so that you can keep things flowing.

If you never disagree, one or both of you may be holding things in. I remember talking to an old family friend who was so confused about why his wife had left him after twenty years of marriage. It turns out she had never said how unhappy she was until she finally got so frustrated that she left. Hey, isn’t it better to have a series of small arguments than one big argument that ends in divorce?

3. Ask For Help

Have you ever met someone who always acts like a martyr? They do things for you but then afterwards, they subtly (or not so subtly) remind you and make you feel bad for it? Or maybe you do this yourself?

I know I have been caught doing this way too often myself. For a long time, I was very afraid to ask for what I wanted, so instead I would communicate in more indirect ways, such as guilt trips and long painful sighs. And my husband hated this! I was so scared to just simply ask him to help me out more around the house but when I did, I was shocked at how agreeable he was.

Asking for help is a much nicer (and healthier) way of getting what you would like from your partner. If you need more help with the housework, ask them directly instead of doing everything and then passively agressively showing your displeasure.

4. Refrain From Micromanaging

Like everything in life, there must always be a balance. It is wonderful to learn to ask for help. There is a problem, though, when we ask someone to do a task exactly as we would like and stand over them to make sure they do it correctly. Controlling much?

The dictionary defines micromanage as “to control every part of a situation, even small details,” and micromanaging can quickly do damage to our relationships if we are not careful. Why is it so dangerous? Because no one likes being treated like a little kid. Trusting your partner to do a job, even if they don’t do it exactly like you would isn’t always easy but it is loving.

5. Play A Game Together

Most Christmases, I go to my only sister’s home to stay for a couple of weeks. I get to hang out with my amazing nieces and have some quality time with my sister. For the last few years, my nieces have put together a cool tradition: the board game tournament. It is so much fun!

The score for the week goes up on the refridgerator for all to see. Winners get threes point a win, with second place getting two points. Some games are team sports and the competition is fierce! Five Second Rule, Taboo, and Dutch Blitz are just a few of the games we haul up from the basement.

Games are a wonderful way to feel closer to people we love. When we play, we forget about the outside troubles and focus on an immediate goal. For a while, we are in a shared world: the world of the game. Games push us to use our minds and challenge ourselves and each other. Whether it’s a board game, a card game, a video game or even a computer game, playing a game with your spouse can help ease the tension. Games let us relax with other, have fun and let loose.

Even watching a game show on t.v. can also do the trick. My husband and I have started watching the show, America Says, on television before we go to sleep. Similar to Family Feud, contestants guess popular answers to simple questions. Vern and I work as a team to try to outwit the competitors on the screen. It has become a little ritual for us that brings us closer.

So, during this time, you may be spending much more time with your spouse than usual. I know it’s hard — but don’t let it destroy your relationship. This time will pass and you may look back at this period with fondness and even miss all that time being together. (It may be hard to imagine now but wait and see!) You have an opportunity to grow closer in a new way. Take advantage of it. Take care everyone.