Have you ever wondered what makes some second marriages so successful, while others are not so much? Well, today, we are talking to Patricia Bubash M.Ed., author of [easyazon_link identifier=”1589095634″ locale=”US” tag=”recommended0cb-20″]Successful Second Marriages[/easyazon_link]. Her book delves deeply into that very topic and focuses on the stories of couples who were very successful in their second marriages.
First of all, I would like to ask if you would mind answering the survey now live on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/SharileeSwaityAuthor/ I am considering a change in my book title and wanted to get your opinion.
Now, on with the interview. I think you will enjoy this one!
Interview with Pat Bubash: Introduction
So, Pat, you and I have been chatting for a little while and I feel like I have gotten to know you, even though haven’t officially “met.”
First, four fun facts about you. Go!
Tea or coffee? Both, more cold tea than hot
Cats or dogs? Have had both pets, probably dogs more
Introvert or exrovert? Extrovert who needs quiet time for reflection, reading, regrouping.
Mac or PC? PC
I found the book very interesting. I absolutely loved hearing the details of these couple’s lives. You have a way of telling stories that is very lively and fascinating. Have you always loved writing?
Pat’s Early Story
Pat, I hear you. I think that is a sign of a true writer, that writing comes more easily than even speaking. So, would you mind talking a bit about your own experiences with divorce and then second marriage?
Pat, you were a smart cookie to pursue your education alongside motherhood, and it served you well but how ironic, too, that you you received a “college degree aong with a divorce degree.” Talk about bittersweet! What was next for you?
Healing Came Over Time
Wow, so disappointing for you. It’s interesting that you mention “listening to your gut.” I think we often know what we are getting into — at some deep level — but we don’t trust ourselves enough to listen. It must have been so painful to deal with all of this.
Healing is so necessary after such trauma. How did you cope and heal from your divorce?
I think the toughest part was the year and a half that we were separated. That was his choice. He left one day without telling me that he didn’t plan to be part of the family any longer, that he wasn’t going to be in our house again. He would call me, refused to see his daughters. This went on for over a year, and, then I filed papers. I thought that would wake him up, make him realize his mistake in leaving us. It only made him angry, because he had his own time line in place for when the papers were to be filed.
Healing for me came over time, and in the pleasure of being a mom. I thoroughly enjoyed that period of motherhood. I taught in the same school where they attended, three miles from our house. We lived in a very supportive neighborhood, and, I felt cared for. After a year or so I began to go to dances with a best friend, and learning how to date again, meet people. It, actually, became a pleasant time in my life. And, I wanted to marry again, but I was not going to marry the first person who was willing either. That is why it was such a tough tough time when my second marriage failed.
I can relate so much to that, Pat. It is hard to swallow our own mistakes but we make decisions from where we are at the time. After our marriage ends, we are different people than we were before.
In my book, I talk about acknowledging the good that comes out of bad situations. Can you touch on this idea in your own life?
I grew – I accomplished many more goals than I ever would have had I stayed in my first marriage. As the years went by in our marriage, my first husband found some pleasure in making me feel less sure of myself= he knew I lacked some confidence in my abilities. He did not anticipate nor encourage my finishing college (he and his siblings had GED’s), or that I would continue to work on my education, that I would keep our house, maintain it, survive without him. It was kind of like this: “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to want you”.
[easyazon_image align=”center” height=”500″ identifier=”1589095634″ locale=”US” src=”https://secondmarriage.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/51O2U2y7iuL-1.jpg” tag=”recommended0cb-20″ width=”324″]
The Book: Successful Second Marriages
Was there one couple that stood out for you, out of all the ones you interviewed?
The one couple remains with me always. He had asked her to marry him, but she wasn’t at the point where it was comfortable. So, they had talked about living in a duplex, each one having a side. Her eldest adult son died unexpectedly. She went into a deep depression, and he told her, ” I want to marry you.” She then replied, “But I will be crying all the time.” His response was, “Then I will hold you all the time while you cry”. I get emotional every time I read this. And, they have a wonderful marriage- he supports her in all her endeavors, even to housing 3 Golden Retrievers used as therapy dogs in Children’s Hospital.
What Is Next From Ms. Bubash?
I only need too do some editing. But how can I even say that, “ONLY”, and, then, I think I am going to take it directly to “ebooks”. As I said, lots of things in my mind!
Thanks, Pat, for taking the time to talk with us today. I look forward to your next project!
Please give Pat Bubash some comment love below.
Biography
Patricia Bubash received her Masters Degree in Education with an emphasis in Counseling from the University of Missouri, St.Louis. For more than 30 years she worked as a counselor, and, also, facilitated classes at the local community college on issues of parent concerns, advocacy. Her work with families was the catalyst for authoring her book, [easyazon_link identifier=”1589095634″ locale=”US” tag=”recommended0cb-20″]Successful Second Marriages: [/easyazon_link] This is a book to inspire, encourage, and provide hope for those who choose to remarry. Mrs.Bubash has been a guest on several blog talk radio shows: January Jones Success Stories, Janet Pfeiffer, Anger 911.Radio, Child Centered Divorce Network and Dare to be Authentic.
She is a member of Better Marriages presenting on the topic of relationships at the July 2015 conference. She contributes articles promoting positive relationships: www.hopeafterdivorce, www.fizzniche, www.onelegacy.com . www.scriggler.com Her passions include volunteering in elementary schools, and the St.Louis USO, writing and traveling. Mrs.Bubash is a Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Stephen Minister.
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