Introduction to the Happily Ever After Again Podcast

An introduction to the Happily Ever After Again Podcast, and the host. Hear the story behind the mike. Remarriage. Marriage transformation. Healing. 

In this episode, you will hear the host’s story of marriage transformation. After the worst day in their marriage, Sharilee and her husband decided to go for marriage counselling, a decision which made all the difference in transforming their marriage. 

Mentioned in this episode: Victoria tv series. 
Bible Scripture: Romans 8:28

Text Version of the Episode:

Part One: Introduction

In today’s episode, we’ll talk about what you can expect on the Happily Ever After Again podcast. You will learn more about me, your host. And you will hear the story of what led me  to start a podcast for struggling couples.   So let’s get ready and dig in for Season 1, Episode 1.

Hi! This is the very first episode of the Happily Ever Again Podcast!  Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here.  I am your host, Sharilee Swaity and today’s episode is an introduction to what the show’s about, and what I’m about. Just a warning — this will not be perfect! I am still working on tech and putting it all together. But I am learning and this will get better!

The Happily Ever After Again podcast is for mostly for women, although men are welcome to join, too. We will speak about the struggles of marriage and finding ways to heal, forgive and connect with your partner.  I will also touch on the subject of blended families. I will be sharing from a faith perspective, although the tips and strategies will be useful for anyone.

Happily Ever After Again will be about marriage transformation. About how things can change, in our relationships and in ourselves, when we learn, when we grow, and when God shows up. I want to offer hope and encouragement for your relationship.  We will look at research, we will hear stories and we will talk about strategies, tips and mind-set. We will go deep sometimes and will try to have fun, too. My goal is to have an interview about once a month. I will try to be honest as I can with our story, so that you will know you are not alone. And there is hope even when it seems hopeless. Now, let’s  take a quick break for the sponsor of the show.

Now, I want to share more about me, where I am coming from, and what I believe. Like I said, my name is Sharilee Swaity.  My husband, Vern and I,  have been married for twelve years. Marrying Vern made me a stepmom to boys, aged 12 and 14. We now share our home with two cats and a hilarious dog named Snowball. We live in a forest in Manitoba, Canada.

Before doing this, I was a classroom teacher, teaching many levels from grade two all the way up to adults.  The thing I absolutely love about teaching is the relationships and watching students grow and become better versions of themselves.Before that, I worked in sales and market research for several years. Research is still one of my favourite things and have also always loved asking people questions. Three years ago, I wrote my first book, on the topic of second marriage. This year, I have been setting up a coaching business for struggling couples. I am  the author of three books on the subject of marriage and family.

Like I said, we’ve been been married for over twelve years and we are happy now. But we weren’t always.  Our tough times were what led me to start first writing, and now talking about marriage. You see, both of us had been married before and we jumped head-in to blended family life without ever really planning out how it was going to work. We were complete opposites and also both hurting from previous relationships.
Today, I want to share the story from our worst times. But first, before we get into this,  I want to interject with something different. Every week, I will share a review of something I have been watching, reading, or listening to lately, in a segment I will call MARRIAGE MEDIA. Here it is:

Marriage Media: Review of Victoria

Hi and welcome to Marriage Media. I recently signed up for Amazon Prime to take advantage of the free shippping but was shocked to see how many free movies and tv shows you can watch, too! I signed up for a free trial of Masterpiece Theatre and I was in my glory! I absolutely love old historical fiction. One of tv series, from Masterpiece, is called Victoria, and it is the story of Queen Victoria and the story of her reign from becoming a monarch at the age of 18. The young actress who plays her, Jenna Coleman, is such a subtle and skilled actress. All of the actors in the series ring true and authentic. The show has a modern feel to it, even though it is set in the early 1830’s. If you loved Downton Abbey, check this one out!

What comes next does have a bit of a spoiler in it, so just a warning if you want to skip ahead in the podcast. The relationship between the queen and her husband (a marriage we don’t see until a few episodes in) is absolutely beautiful. They are almost complete opposites. She is impulsive and outgoing. He is slow-moving and reserved. But after loathing each other at first, their love just grows so deep. And I looked up to see if this was true, and it sounds like it really was. It is so refreshing to see people in such high and powerful positions really loving one another with genuine feelings. I am pacing myself and have now finished Season 1. I can’t wait for Season 2! Okay, now back to the show.

Part 2: The Lowest Point of Our Marriage

So, going back to the lowest point of our marriage. To help you get a better picture, I am going to ask you to go back with me to 2009 and imagine a little mobile home located outside of town, in a trailer park on the edge of the prairie. Imagine, if you would, the sound of loud yelling and cursing coming from that trailer, and then hearing and a man say, “GET OUT!” And then you see a woman run from the house, get into the car, and roar away in the vehicle. Okay, as I am sure you figured out, that woman is me! And that man is my husband. And I am not sharing this story to put my husband in a bad light. No, not at all. We were both angry and volatile during this period of our lives.

My husband and I had been married for almost a year and we had been fighting constantly. This day was the worst of the worst.  I knew neither things had to change or I needed to get out. I wondered if we were beyond help. But something inside of me, who I now believe was the Holy Spirit, led me to go and visit our friends, Al and Helen. They had known Vern for a long time and they were our elders at the church. 

As embarrassing as it was to ask for help, and let someone see me in this state, I did it anyway. Reaching out for help is one of the hardest steps for struggling couples to take but it is so worth it. We had to admit that we were not doing well. So, I drove to their house and rang the doorbell, red face, blubbering sounds and all. This gracious couple took one look at me, hugged me and asked what was wrong. Allan went over to get Vern and we all talked together. We came back a few nights later to talk some more.

They tried to help us the best they could but it didn’t take long for them to realize that we needed more help than a talk in their living room. We were in serious need of professional counselling. So, thanks to this kind and wise couple, we got into a counsellor and that was the path to restoring our marriage. It took quite a while (over two years) but we kept working on it until we were a different couple.

When we started, I thought my husband was the angry one. And he was. But the truth is,  I was, too. I wasn’t as aggressive as he was but I had biting words, just the same. I was sarcastic and accusing. I was insecure and jealous.  

And it wasn’t just our marriage. It was our respective pasts we had to work through.  We both began to understand the deep source of our individual pain. Vern had been stolen from his mother as a baby by the government, part of the Scoop Generation. Before the age of two, he had been passed around several foster homes. I had grown up witnessing abusive. I did not feel accepted by my father. We had both been through divorce and felt rejected by previous partners. All of these things added up to conflict, insecurity, anger, triggered by each other and the complications of a blended marriage.

But the good part is that we didn’t stay broken forever.  With the help of friends, a wise counsellor and most of all, God, our marriage slowly transformed. Our experience is what led me to want to help others with their struggles. I wanted to be a light for those who were where we were, ten years ago. My first step was writing an article on the topic of second marriage. The article led a book, and the book led to more books. And now the books have led to this podcast and a coaching practice.

So, that, my friends, is the story behind the podcast.  Now, we’re close to the end but one thing I wanted to share with you, which was fun to do, is something I call my Marriage Manifesto. It’s not like the Communist Manifesto but according to the dictionary, a manifesto is a public declaration of what you believe.

So, this is my marriage manifesto.  I believe that anyone can change, if they are willing to get help. I believe in marriages — and not giving up — unless there is abuse, adultery or addictions. I believe in second chances. I believe in God’s grace.  I believe that opposites really do attract, and then drive each other crazy but end up teaching each other to be the best they can be. 

I believe that stepfamilies are avenues for showing and learning about God’s grace. Last of all, I do believe in happily ever after again. Love can happen to you, even after you have lost all hope. Love often comes after we have given up on ever finding it again. And love can change our lives. 

Scripture and Prayer

At the end of each show, I will share a Scripture that has special meaning to me and say a prayer.  Today’s Scripture is:
Romans 8:28. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. I love this verse because it focuses on how God works out everything in our life when we love him, even things that seem so puzzling and difficult. I can see this verse in my own life because God allowed a lot of heartbreak in my life but he has used all of that pain to allow me to write books for other people struggling in their marriage.

And I truly believe that he may be allowing things in your life for a reason, which may be to help and bless other people. So, I will pray for you today.
LORD, I pray for anyone listening. You know each individual story. You know the pain and you know the joys. LORD, I trust that you are working things out all who love you,  according to your purposes. LORD, you are working things out even during the strange times of 2020. Help us to trust you, Father. Amen

Hey there. If you enjoyed today’s podcast, please join us next week for Happily Ever After Again.