In this podcast episode, I talk about the journey to overcoming hurt from past relationships. (This episode is the first in the series “Journey to Healing.” The series will not run consecutively but instead be every 3-4 episodes.) Sometimes we think we’re completely “over” the past, but little signs keep popping up, making us wonder if we truly are healed. Maybe we feel bitter and aren’t sure why. Perhaps we are habitually insecure, for no logical reason. When we still need to heal, these signs can come up, giving us clues that our healing is not finished.
I also discuss why healing can be so hard for some of us. One of the reasons is that we haven’t completed the grieving process. Maybe we were so busy when the divorce (or death or other tragedy) happened that we neglected to let ourselves really go through the emotions needed to truly grieve. So, the process was postponed. Another reason that healing can seem impossible is that we may have experienced trauma in the past. A way to check for a former trauma reaction is to ask ourselves if we ever felt fear or terror while we were either in the relationship, or after the relationship ended. A third reason can be challenging is that events from our childhood are still affecting us, causing a complex loss.
Finally, I introduce the 4-part healing process. First, we need to acknowledge what we are feeling, and find a way to handle the feelings, and then release them. Journaling and prayer are potent ways of doing this. Secondly, we need to acknowledge our responsibility for our situation. This step doesn’t mean berating or condemning ourselves but instead recognizing that our choices had something to do with what happened to us. Thirdly, we need to forgive because forgiveness truly sets us free to love again. And finally, we need to change our thinking about our situation. Transforming our thoughts helps us stay out of ruts and to move in a more positive direction.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Happily Ever After Again Workbook: Happily Ever After Again Workbook
- The Mystery of Marriage, by Mike Mason.
- Psalm 34:18
- Grace of Monaco Movie
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